October is National Hospice and Palliative Care month and this was an ad by St. Francis Hospice where Lori was able to transition from this temporal world to her eternal life with Jesus with dignity, grace, no pain and lots of love. Thank you St. Francis Hospice and the team of Dina Martinez and Dr. Dellinger and all for loving my wife and caring for my wife to her place of freedom with Jesus.
When I saw this ad, I began to think of the things I have been missing since Loris' passing and I made a list:
1) Of course, Lori her self..her smile, her kisses, her hugs, her gentle corrections, her face when I did something really weird or stupid, in essence, her presence. Her smell, her beauty, her portagee moments, everything still seems so fresh in my mind.
2) I miss the relationships that were built on her care...the time people invested into Lori's well being over her last 8 months..people that we knew very well, some that we knew only on the surface and some we knew very little about came into our lives and just loved Lori for who she was and took care of her unconditionally and just loved to be with her. These relationships remain solid, it's just that we don't see each other on a daily/weekly basis. I love these people so much and thank God for Lori's care group.
3) This might sound weird, but I miss the doctors and nurses who cared for Lori, especially Dr. Chong and his team..even though we had to see him for the battle against cancer, him and his wife, and Shady and Shantel (the nurses) became part of our family. I bumped into Shady this past weekend and it was great to get a hug from her...Lori made an impact on so many people.
4) I miss the visits by Lori's family, especially her step mom Alison (to me she is just mom now)..Mom Alison came up a bunch in the last months, and she cared for Lori like I have never seen before..the love and compassion that Mom had for her was so unreal. Most of you all know this, but Lori had a very strained relationship with her real mom, but in the end, it was restored..but there was always an issue of abandonment and value that Lori and her brother Doug felt due to the non-existent relationship with their biological mom, But through Lori's battle with cancer, Lori was able to make peace with her mom and love her mom for just the person who she was...and the coolest thing was that there was a re-connection again, a restoration and healing..not just for Lori but for Doug to.
5) I miss being able to go to Lori and check in on how Brandi is doing and what things to say or not to say..for as we all know..Lori and Brandi were twins..they were buds even as mom and daughter. Brandi and I are still navigating our way through this..going from the 3 musketeers to just 2..now don't get me wrong..we are solid, there is great love and respect for each other..but Brandi and I are too much alike and Lori was the buffer who knew when and how to say things or solve issues...she was the glue of our family and we are not undone in anyway shape or form, we just missing a key part to our relationship and every day is getting better.
6) I miss the moments we had, the watching Dancing with the Stars, The Good Wife and just being quiet and laughing and doing the things that couples do.
Still, in the midst of missing Lori and the things we had as a couple, I am so confident that I will see her again and I know that the plans, purpose, hope and future that God has for me is bigger than what I only see and feel.
Jesus in His sermon on the Mount said this:
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)
God has brought much comfort to me in His word, in Worship music and in people. I have been so blessed by many, even those who I did not expect it from. God has seen me through this and will continue to see me through this.
To God be the glory and to all of you:
Love you and God bless!!
