Queens visit today - The plans God foreknew

Lori @ Queen's April 2015

Queens' visit 12/16/15

I posted this on FB today at around 1pm:

Spent many a day here on this floor in this wing supporting and loving my wife Lori Nakamoto thru it all.

Came to visit a church sister Kelsy Pomroy and a classmates sister Marsha Hatakeyama Charlene Mersburgh and was on the 7th floor of Queen Emma Tower...

Brought back an overwhelming amount of memories of the toughness of my wife and the huge support of the Doctors and nurses and staff of Queens hospital.

Got to bump into by a God - ordained appt with Loris 2 favorite nurses, Rosalia and Kathy....they loved Lori very much...so much so that they both came to her celebration of life...Lori had that effect on people...her portagee presence spread like aloha...

So much memories of the people who cared for her as she fought and won the battle of life, of all the family and friends who sat with her, prayed for her, massaged her, did her nails, and just was there when they were needed so much...

So overwhelmed by how God worked out all things for His good...and for our good...it was an amazing journey...and as I continue to live out this journey of hope, grief, joy, sadness and a gamut of other emotions...I an confident of the plans God has for me and for Brandi Moto and for all those that blessed her.

The love of lori will never be forgotten...the smile of Lori will never be replaced but we push on...living out the calling in our lives with great joy and gratefulness.

Love u Lord, love u babes, love u Pii and love u all who made this 2015 a year to remember.

To God be the glory!

Jeremiah 29:11-14 says this:

 For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’

You see, vs 11 is a well known Bible verse, probably one of the most memorized scriptures people know...however, for me, the verses after it, 12-14 bring me so much hope and peace in how God works His will and way in my life, our lives.  You see, God knows all things and all means all..He foreknew the plans for Lori, for Brandi and for me...and in doing so, when the time came for Lori to graduate to heaven, my hope my desire had to be to call upon Him and pray to Him..because His word says, He will listen.  I will seek Him with all my heart, and I will find Him in the midst of the hurt, the loss, the sorrow.  And like verse 14 says, I will find Him and He will restore my fortunes..Now my fortunes are not of the material world..it is of the Kingdom of Heaven realm: joy, peace, patience, grace. love, kindness, goodness...all the attributes of God..and then some..that is the fortune that He is restoring to me daily...as this hole in my heart is becoming whole again because of His love for me.  

I pray that as I continue to share my journey with you all, that it will bring healing to you in whatever you may be going thru..a loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, addiction, anger, depression..whatevers..whatever you may be going through, just know that God knows..He knows all of what you are going thru..and he wants you to be whole in Him...He can fill the hole in your heart...call upon Him, pray to Him, seek Him with all your heart and He will listen..His desire is to be in relationship with you now..that is the best Christmas present you will ever get...a relationship with Jesus.  

Thank you all for allowing me to share and grieve in my own way.  

Love you all and God bless!!!

I am thankful!!!

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

This was a picture we took Thanksgiving 2014.  So love this pic and love how much joy there was despite the challenges we were all facing individually and as a family.

Yesterday, November 30, was the 6 month Heaven-versary (heard this from somebody a few weeks back).  I was busy all day, but at around 5:05pm (the time of Lori's going home), it hit me of the time that has passed.  I am so thankful for the time that I had with her, but the missing of her still occurs quite often...but the love I had for her and her for me still exists.  However, the love of God is so overwhelming that despite the hole in my heart in missing my wife, he continues to fill it with His provision and love daily...to remind me of not just the past - that we had together, but the future that He has in store for me and for Brandi and for all of you who impacted her life.

There will be a lot of many firsts for me over the next few weeks without Lori by my side, physically...she is on my heart and mind, but not here with me...

  First Thanksgiving just occured - spent it at the Heen's with big boy Kenji
  First Brandi's birthday (12/17)

  First Christmas 

  Mom's 13th year graduation into heaven

  First New Year

  Our 26th anniversary (1/13)

That's a lot of "life events" that Lori and I celebrated together over the last 26 years.  So to say that it will be a little rough around the edges for me over the next few weeks is an understatement.  I am committed still yet, only 6 months after, to allow the grieving process to occur.  I will not allow my manhood or my inner self to say "suck it up"..."get over it"....or whatever else we say to mask the emotional pain we try to avoid going through. I am desiring to process this grief so that in the long run, I am not hindered by any "what if's" or should've would've could've.  Lori and I in the last few months always talked about having "no regret's" in how we loved each other and all those around us.

Last night when I got home from work, jumped in the pool (freezing cold pool - my normal routine these days), showered and then ate dinner.  Armageddon was on TV and Lori used to always scold me on why I would watch the commercial filled version of movies even though we had the DVD's...I always told her..I don't know..I just do...so there was the part when Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler were being romantic the day before he heads off to space and the Aerosmith rockin love song - "I don't want to miss a thing" comes on and so I go look for it on Youtube as I wanted to see the words and in Youtube, when you look at a video it shows other similar video's and there was a song by 3 Doors Down - "Here with You"...wow..found the video with words:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlDInVqv8cs

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same.
All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go,
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.
And when the last one falls, when its all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.

I began to weep like a baby whose bottle got robbed and diaper hasn't been changed for a few hours...I just connected with this song so much..missing Lori so much..I grabbed for her Pooh Bear Tsumtsum and just hugged it....

When the song was done, a peace came over me...I was able to cry out the missing of my heart, but also knew that God's love for me was far greater than the lost I have suffered..you see, God's love for me is unconditional...I am valued and worthy of Him, His grace, His mercy, His love, His future, His hope, His plans...my love for Lori will never be forgotten, in fact, it only grows more as I see how blessed I was to have her in my life...but, I am able to release and process daily the loss of a great woman, a great wife, a great mother a great friend.  God has been such a great comfort to me - with His word, His music, the people who He has placed around me and Brandi..thank you Lord.

As hard as it has been for me, I continue to pray for Brandi and how she is processing all this.  I am her father and I love her no matter what...but the loss of a mother for a young woman...???

I had my mom till I was 35 and Brandi had her Grandma Becky till she was 13...so for Brandi, this is almost a mirror image of the loss she felt when losing her best friend, her biggest cheerleader, her spoiler of all things..her grandma Becky, and now 12.5 years later to have to go through the loss of her mom......I am trusting in God for her to be in peace with this all...in His time and her's.

I close this blog with a heartfelt thanks and gratefulness for you all.  As the scripture I posted above says:

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I rejoice in all things, I continue to pray with ceasing and everything (all things) I give thanks..for in Christ, God's will is being lived out according to His plan.  I thank you all for loving me and Brandi through this all...and I pray that as we face the next 6 months, 6 years..etc..that we continue to love each other as God loves us and that we continue to grow in His will and way...I pray for each and everyone of you, who impacted our lives so much...big and small...just know that we are very grateful.

I leave you all with this great song by the Katina's:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJEPg7fKOtc

Aloha and love you all!!!  Thank you Lord for loving me!!!