Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Queens visit today - The plans God foreknew



Lori @ Queen's April 2015


Queens' visit 12/16/15




I posted this on FB today at around 1pm:

Spent many a day here on this floor in this wing supporting and loving my wife Lori Nakamoto thru it all.
Came to visit a church sister Kelsy Pomroy and a classmates sister Marsha Hatakeyama Charlene Mersburgh and was on the 7th floor of Queen Emma Tower...
Brought back an overwhelming amount of memories of the toughness of my wife and the huge support of the Doctors and nurses and staff of Queens hospital.
Got to bump into by a God - ordained appt with Loris 2 favorite nurses, Rosalia and Kathy....they loved Lori very much...so much so that they both came to her celebration of life...Lori had that effect on people...her portagee presence spread like aloha...
So much memories of the people who cared for her as she fought and won the battle of life, of all the family and friends who sat with her, prayed for her, massaged her, did her nails, and just was there when they were needed so much...
So overwhelmed by how God worked out all things for His good...and for our good...it was an amazing journey...and as I continue to live out this journey of hope, grief, joy, sadness and a gamut of other emotions...I an confident of the plans God has for me and for Brandi Moto and for all those that blessed her.
The love of lori will never be forgotten...the smile of Lori will never be replaced but we push on...living out the calling in our lives with great joy and gratefulness.
Love u Lord, love u babes, love u Pii and love u all who made this 2015 a year to remember.
To God be the glory!



Jeremiah 29:11-14 says this:

 For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.

You see, vs 11 is a well known Bible verse, probably one of the most memorized scriptures people know...however, for me, the verses after it, 12-14 bring me so much hope and peace in how God works His will and way in my life, our lives.  You see, God knows all things and all means all..He foreknew the plans for Lori, for Brandi and for me...and in doing so, when the time came for Lori to graduate to heaven, my hope my desire had to be to call upon Him and pray to Him..because His word says, He will listen.  I will seek Him with all my heart, and I will find Him in the midst of the hurt, the loss, the sorrow.  And like verse 14 says, I will find Him and He will restore my fortunes..Now my fortunes are not of the material world..it is of the Kingdom of Heaven realm: joy, peace, patience, grace. love, kindness, goodness...all the attributes of God..and then some..that is the fortune that He is restoring to me daily...as this hole in my heart is becoming whole again because of His love for me.  

I pray that as I continue to share my journey with you all, that it will bring healing to you in whatever you may be going thru..a loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, addiction, anger, depression..whatevers..whatever you may be going through, just know that God knows..He knows all of what you are going thru..and he wants you to be whole in Him...He can fill the hole in your heart...call upon Him, pray to Him, seek Him with all your heart and He will listen..His desire is to be in relationship with you now..that is the best Christmas present you will ever get...a relationship with Jesus.  

Thank you all for allowing me to share and grieve in my own way.  

Love you all and God bless!!!





Tuesday, December 1, 2015

I am thankful!!!

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

This was a picture we took Thanksgiving 2014.  So love this pic and love how much joy there was despite the challenges we were all facing individually and as a family.



Yesterday, November 30, was the 6 month Heaven-versary (heard this from somebody a few weeks back).  I was busy all day, but at around 5:05pm (the time of Lori's going home), it hit me of the time that has passed.  I am so thankful for the time that I had with her, but the missing of her still occurs quite often...but the love I had for her and her for me still exists.  However, the love of God is so overwhelming that despite the hole in my heart in missing my wife, he continues to fill it with His provision and love daily...to remind me of not just the past - that we had together, but the future that He has in store for me and for Brandi and for all of you who impacted her life.

There will be a lot of many firsts for me over the next few weeks without Lori by my side, physically...she is on my heart and mind, but not here with me...
  First Thanksgiving just occured - spent it at the Heen's with big boy Kenji
  First Brandi's birthday (12/17)
  First Christmas 
  Mom's 13th year graduation into heaven
  First New Year
  Our 26th anniversary (1/13)

That's a lot of "life events" that Lori and I celebrated together over the last 26 years.  So to say that it will be a little rough around the edges for me over the next few weeks is an understatement.  I am committed still yet, only 6 months after, to allow the grieving process to occur.  I will not allow my manhood or my inner self to say "suck it up"..."get over it"....or whatever else we say to mask the emotional pain we try to avoid going through. I am desiring to process this grief so that in the long run, I am not hindered by any "what if's" or should've would've could've.  Lori and I in the last few months always talked about having "no regret's" in how we loved each other and all those around us.

Last night when I got home from work, jumped in the pool (freezing cold pool - my normal routine these days), showered and then ate dinner.  Armageddon was on TV and Lori used to always scold me on why I would watch the commercial filled version of movies even though we had the DVD's...I always told her..I don't know..I just do...so there was the part when Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler were being romantic the day before he heads off to space and the Aerosmith rockin love song - "I don't want to miss a thing" comes on and so I go look for it on Youtube as I wanted to see the words and in Youtube, when you look at a video it shows other similar video's and there was a song by 3 Doors Down - "Here with You"...wow..found the video with words:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlDInVqv8cs

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same.
All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it's only you and me.
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go,
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.
And when the last one falls, when its all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.

I began to weep like a baby whose bottle got robbed and diaper hasn't been changed for a few hours...I just connected with this song so much..missing Lori so much..I grabbed for her Pooh Bear Tsumtsum and just hugged it....

When the song was done, a peace came over me...I was able to cry out the missing of my heart, but also knew that God's love for me was far greater than the lost I have suffered..you see, God's love for me is unconditional...I am valued and worthy of Him, His grace, His mercy, His love, His future, His hope, His plans...my love for Lori will never be forgotten, in fact, it only grows more as I see how blessed I was to have her in my life...but, I am able to release and process daily the loss of a great woman, a great wife, a great mother a great friend.  God has been such a great comfort to me - with His word, His music, the people who He has placed around me and Brandi..thank you Lord.

As hard as it has been for me, I continue to pray for Brandi and how she is processing all this.  I am her father and I love her no matter what...but the loss of a mother for a young woman...???

I had my mom till I was 35 and Brandi had her Grandma Becky till she was 13...so for Brandi, this is almost a mirror image of the loss she felt when losing her best friend, her biggest cheerleader, her spoiler of all things..her grandma Becky, and now 12.5 years later to have to go through the loss of her mom......I am trusting in God for her to be in peace with this all...in His time and her's.

I close this blog with a heartfelt thanks and gratefulness for you all.  As the scripture I posted above says:

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I rejoice in all things, I continue to pray with ceasing and everything (all things) I give thanks..for in Christ, God's will is being lived out according to His plan.  I thank you all for loving me and Brandi through this all...and I pray that as we face the next 6 months, 6 years..etc..that we continue to love each other as God loves us and that we continue to grow in His will and way...I pray for each and everyone of you, who impacted our lives so much...big and small...just know that we are very grateful.

I leave you all with this great song by the Katina's:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJEPg7fKOtc

Aloha and love you all!!!  Thank you Lord for loving me!!!


Tuesday, November 3, 2015

It's been awhile

Wow, it's been 11 weeks, almost 3 months since I last did a post...a lot has been going on since then as we now are 5 months since Lori went home to Jesus.  Saw this ad in the paper yesterday:


October is National Hospice and Palliative Care month and this was an ad by St. Francis Hospice where Lori was able to transition from this temporal world to her eternal life with Jesus with dignity, grace, no pain and lots of love.  Thank you St. Francis Hospice and the team of Dina Martinez and Dr. Dellinger and all for loving my wife and caring for my wife to her place of freedom with Jesus.

When I saw this ad, I began to think of the things I have been missing since Loris' passing and I made a list:

1)  Of course, Lori her self..her smile, her kisses, her hugs, her gentle corrections, her face when I did something really weird or stupid, in essence, her presence.  Her smell, her beauty, her portagee moments, everything still seems so fresh in my mind.

2)  I miss the relationships that were built on her care...the time people invested into Lori's well being over her last 8 months..people that we knew very well, some that we knew only on the surface and some we knew very little about came into our lives and just loved Lori for who she was and took care of her unconditionally and just loved to be with her.  These relationships remain solid, it's just that we don't see each other on a daily/weekly basis.  I love these people so much and thank God for Lori's care group.

3) This might sound weird, but I miss the doctors and nurses who cared for Lori, especially Dr. Chong and his team..even though we had to see him for the battle against cancer, him and his wife, and Shady and Shantel (the nurses) became part of our family.  I bumped into Shady this past weekend and it was great to get a hug from her...Lori made an impact on so many people.

4)  I miss the visits by Lori's family, especially her step mom Alison (to me she is just mom now)..Mom Alison came up a bunch in the last months, and she cared for Lori like I have never seen before..the love and compassion that Mom had for her was so unreal.  Most of you all know this, but Lori had a very strained relationship with her real mom, but in the end, it was restored..but there was always an issue of abandonment and value that Lori and her brother Doug felt due to the non-existent relationship with their biological mom, But through Lori's battle with cancer, Lori was able to make peace with her mom and love her mom for just the person who she was...and the coolest thing was that there was a re-connection again, a restoration and healing..not just for Lori but for Doug to.

5)  I miss being able to go to Lori and check in on how Brandi is doing and what things to say or not to say..for as we all know..Lori and Brandi were twins..they were buds even as mom and daughter.  Brandi and I are still navigating our way through this..going from the 3 musketeers to just 2..now don't get me wrong..we are solid, there is great love and respect for each other..but Brandi and I are too much alike and Lori was the buffer who knew when and how to say things or solve issues...she was the glue of our family and we are not undone in anyway shape or form, we just missing a key part to our relationship and every day is getting better.

6)  I miss the moments we had, the watching Dancing with the Stars, The Good Wife and just being quiet and laughing and doing the things that couples do.

Still, in the midst of missing Lori and the things we had as a couple, I am so confident that I will see her again and I know that the plans, purpose, hope and future that God has for me is bigger than what I only see and feel.

Jesus in His sermon on the Mount said this:

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.  (Matthew 5:4)

God has brought much comfort to me in His word, in Worship music and in people.  I have been so blessed by many, even those who I did not expect it from. God has seen me through this and will continue to see me through this.

To God be the glory and to all of you:

Love you and God bless!!




Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Someday....

Wassup ohana…it has now been 79 days, a little more than 2.5 months..and it is still a bit surreal at times..but knowing that it is real, still at times is hard to comprehend. 

Intellectually, I am fully aware of the promise fulfilled by God to Lori, to me to Brandi…I totally understand the process of death and the major awesome benefits that goes with that to those who believe in Him…I get that, she is with Jesus..she is home, she is in eternity with God. 

But yet, my heart still hurts…my soul longs for her..to hug her, to kiss her, to argue with her…to just hold her hand.  I am confident in that I will see Lori again…I am confident in God’s plans for me..His promises, His hope, His future for me, for Brandi…but yet it still hurts.  The grief is still there and I am choosing not to rush the process, because I don’t want to become the person who doesn’t rely on God for all things…shutting down my feelings, my emotions, my tears, my cries…will not make me better…it will allow pride to seep in…I must rely on the Father to heal my grief in His time…but in the meantime, I must live the life that God has called me into…Love God and Love people!

Tommy Walker, the awesome Christian worship leader, shared this song at the 2015 Foursquare District Conference tonight…before he sang it, he said, this is a song for those who recently lost a loved one…boy..my emotions were flowing during the song…lately my emotions have been very easy to come out…I’ve cried more in the last 79 days than I think I’ve done in my entire life time…this song had a special story behind it…below are the words…and here is the song via video.  Check it out and take comfort that Lori has gone down this path already..it has been a path that Jesus laid out for us with Him going first..and because of what He did, we have life with Him. 

I continue to worship God in all things…my times with Him, worshipping Him in song and in His word, continues to comfort me in my loss and day by day…it’s getting better…but I am not there yet and for all of us, as this song says..someday it will be all over – here…but Someday it will have just begun – there -with God.

Lori finished the race well…we are still running that race..with God leading the way, with Jesus holding our hand and with the Holy Spirit in us. 

Lord, have your way in me…work out the grief in my heart…I desire to live in joy and in unity with You…I trust in You and seek You in all things and I take great comfort in knowing that Lori is with you.  Lord, help me to live out the calling and purpose You have for me…You are not finished with me yet.  To You be the glory!

If you can't access this video by clicking it...copy it and past it in your web browser.  



Someday it will all be over
Someday it will all be done
And we'll lay our heavy burdens down
When at His feet we bow
At last we will be home forever
Someday it will all be over

Someday it will all be over
Someday it will all be done
And at last the bitter taste of death
Forever will give way to tears of joy
And life eternal
Someday it will all be over

No more wars and no more hate
Only love and harmony
When we see our King on His mercy seat
All our pain and fears will finally cease
Someday it will all be over

Someday it will all have just begun

Thursday, July 30, 2015

I AM HOLDING ON TO YOU!

Wow, tomorrow makes 2 months since Lori went home to Jesus.  It's also been a month since I wrote anything out...not that I didn't have much to say, it's just that I couldn't put the million and one things down to paper....

This song by the David Crowder Band  - I AM, has been stuck in my head every day...holding on to God in the middle of the storm that I am in.  I've been through many storms in my life..for those of you who know me well...many storms...and God always saw me through them...but this storm is quite different...and I am hanging onto God's promises, God's hope, God's love and God's future for me, for Brandi, for you all.

Every day, there is a reminder of how much I loved this woman...my wife, my friend and every time that moment hits me, I am saddened by her not being here, but also very joyful in knowing that I was blessed to have been with her for so long.  This song and many others have been a huge reminder of the God that I love and worship and adore..He loves me so much and that in my grieving and pain, He reminds me of this all powerful love that He has for me.

You see, my hope has to be in God and what He has planned and has in store for me moving forward.  My hope was not in Lori or the time she had here..my hope is not in Brandi and what her future holds...God has that in His hand...what I need to rely on and depend on is God's hope and promise for me...that His love has reached me, He has peace for me, He has grace for me, He will never leave my side..I can rest in His promises and who I am to Him.

So whether it be two months, 12 months and or 10 years in Lori's passing...I am assured that I will see her again...but more importantly that when I see her I will be with the Father and that's a huge celebration for me....in the meantime, my focus is glorifying God in all that I do.  Loving God and Loving people..and sharing God's love for those who do not yet know Him in my actions and words....to God be the glory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77SuukJEJ2Q


"I Am"

There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place where we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace
Take me in with your arms spread wide
Take me in like an orphan child
Never let go, never leave my side

[Chorus:]
I am
Holding onto you
I am
Holding onto you
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!

[Verse 2:]
Love like this, Oh my God to find!
I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!
Love like this sets our hearts on fire!

[Chorus x2]

[Verse 3:]
This is my Resurrection song
This is my Hallelujah come
This is why it's to you I run
There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place where we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace

[Chorus:]
I am
Holding on to you
I am
Holding on to you
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am
Holding on to you
I am
Holding on to you
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am
Holding on to you
I am
Holding on to you
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!
I am
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!



Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Flashlight

"Flashlight"

When tomorrow comes
I'll be on my own
Feeling frightened of
The things that I don't know
When tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes

And though the road is long
I look up to the sky
And in the dark I found lost hope that I won't fly
And I sing along, I sing along, and I sing along

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
'Cause you're my flashlight (flashlight)
You're my flashlight (flashlight), you're my flashlight

Ooh

I see the shadows long beneath the mountain top
I'm not afraid when the rain won't stop
'Cause you light the way
You light the way,
You light the way

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
(Light light light you're my flashlight)
Light light you're my flashlight
Light light light light light, oh
(Light light light you're my flashlight)
You're my flash, oh

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
(You're my flashlight)
You're getting me, getting me through the night
'Cause you're my flashlight
'Cause you're my flashlight
You're my flashlight

Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh oh oh

You're my flashlight
Light light
You're my flashlight
Light light ye-yeah

(Light light light
You're my flashlight
Light light)

You're my flashlight

I heard this song for the first time  when Brandi and I watched Pitch Perfect 2 during our trip to Santa Barbara.  If most of you don't know by now, Brandi and I took a planned family trip on May 15 to May 23 that had been in the works for over a year.  I was asked to do a wedding in Cali and it was our prayer that Lori would be well enough to travel.  Up until 2 weeks before we were to go, we made sure that this is what God had in store for us and we as a family had to make sure that we would be all ok had Lori pass during our trip, knowing full well that she was in Hospice already and her health was steadily declining.  We had numerous conversations making sure she was okay with us leaving and that we were okay with us leaving should she pass.  It was a huge trusting God moment for us all...we said our goodbyes on May 15, not knowing if she would still be around when we got back 8 days later.  It was a testing of our faith...trusting that God would take care of Lori when we were gone and should she pass we would be okay with her leaving and have no regrets or no guilt.  And for Lori, it was trusting in God that we would be okay on our trip with no regrets and no guilt should she pass...it was a very big step for us a family...and in the end..God rewarded all of us with 8 more days to spend after our return..it was a huge blessing for us..it increased our faith and hope in knowing that God was in control.  

Getting back to this song...as the movie ended with this song..I began to cry uncontrollably in the theater and it was not supposed to be a sad ending..it was a winning song kind of ending..but for whatever reason, I just balled like a little baby..I tried to wipe the tears away without Brandi or anyone else seeing me cry...and composed myself and walked out at the end of the movie..still not sure why I was so emotional.  We decided to take a spin by Shoreline park to show Brandi's friend the great view and I decided to go and sit at a bench and look for this song.  I found the words and started to cry again...I listened to the song a few more times sitting out in the most beautiful God gorgeous view and was just weeping like a baby...people walking by, jogging by, walking their animals were looking at me weird..kind of funny now, but wasn't then..lol...



As I began to look at the words..I realized that this song hit me because I was on the verge of losing Lori in the physical sense to her battle with cancer..she was going to die soon...and as the words in the very first stanza says... "When tomorrow comes, when tomorrow comes..I'll be on my own, feeling frightened of the things I don't know."  It was realizing very soon that I would not have my wife with me anymore...and that was very sad for me then as it still is now...but, the song goes on to give encouragement, huge encouragement of a flashlight being there for me...for giving me light, for giving me comfort in the midst of darkness...and initially I compared Lori to being the flashlight..that she would be there for me in times of physical and mental darkness of missing her...but then I was reminded because of the relationship that I have with Jesus..that the flashlight..the Light, was Jesus...I had Him in my corner before Lori got sick, when Lori got sick, when she was about to die, when she died and still yet...He is the Light that allows me to continue on...that fills me with His peace, His comfort, His hope...yes Lori is my flashlight..she shined for me in tough times, she stuck with me through thick and thin...she loved me when others would not...but she did that because she loved God first and foremost and God was a light onto her feet, just like He is onto mines.  I cherish this song and listen to it once a day...it still makes me cry, but it also reminds me of the hope that I have in Christ..that same hope that Lori had that day she left us now 4 weeks ago..she knew that when she crossed that line...into the presence of God..all would be well..eternity with Him...and that's the hope that I am hanging on to...eternity with Him.  

Lori, I miss you...I know you are with the Father and that gives me comfort.  I know that the Light in times of darkness is Jesus showing me His love for me and for Brandi...we are pressing on and we know that the path you walked shone bright for us even to this day...I love you and I think about you everyday, I know you are praying for me, for Brandi and for many others.  Love you!  



 


Thursday, June 25, 2015

Seeing God's Hope


Wednesday June 24, 2015

This past Sunday, I had some downtime in the afternoon before picking up Brandi from work so I decided to go and jump in our building pool..we have been living here almost 3 years now and this probably only the 6th or 7th time we used the pool..it was super refreshing.  I got a bit emotional as I was thinking about church earlier that day.  Kathy and Tiffany Thurston came to share about the Bloom Conference happening this weekend (praying that God uses Tiffa and her entire team for His glory) and also celebrating the 1 year anniversary of our dear Charlie passing away on June 8, 2014. What Kathy shared as a wife to a husband who died so suddenly, hit me dead center.  It reminded me of a few things:  1)  I was blessed to have Lori around for 2.5+ years after her diagnosis, 2) I was able to tell her goodbye and hug her and kiss her multiple times before her passing on May 31  and 3) God is not done with me yet...He has a plan for Brandi and I to live out independent of each other, dependent of God for His provision and will and dependent as 2 of the remaining 3 Nakamoto musketeers.

As I was cruising in the pool, I kept saying to God..its me and You Lord, its me and You...You are going to have to provide me with Your peace, Your comfort, Your joy, Your void filler cause Lori is now with You.  I kept saying that prayer (statement/request, whatever you want to call it) over and and over again.  It was based on Kathy sharing that even in Charlie's passing God was still with her when before he passed, when he passed and since he passed and that was the same promise for me...God was with me when Lori was here, He was with me when she passed 3 weeks earlier and He is still with me now...and He is not done with me yet.

Then this ray of light in the pic pops up...God's light of hope, of comfort, of promise that He has in store for me as well as Brandi as well as all those who came in contact with Lori.  It was a subtle yet profound reminder from God..that He is in control of things and that I can be reassured that Lori is with Him and rejoicing and that my work, my purpose, my legacy is still intact to glorify Him and to live out Lori's legacy as well.  I was overwhelmed by God's encouraging gorgeous natural beauty and I also felt Him say, "I got this Sean, you and Brandi will be okay!" Then I heard Lori say, "God's got this Sean, you and Brandi will be used for the glory of God...I love you both!."  I was reassured by God that He has this all under control..

So wiping my tears away and listening to Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave, I go upstairs to shower and cleanup before I pickup Brandi.  I check my email, and I see this email from DesiringGod.org...John Piper's website who I so value their presentation and interpretation of God's word.  I highly encourage you to read this in full:

God’s Surprising Plans for Your Good

Ben Stuart / June 21, 2015

Why does God allow trouble to plague his people? How can it be considered loving for him to permit trials to run wild in our lives?  I gained fresh insight into these questions while watching a spellbinding four-minute video called “How Wolves Change Rivers.”
A slightly-too-exuberant, yet-delightfully-British narrator recounts the changes that resulted from the entrance of a pack of wolves into the eco-system of Yellowstone National Park. It turns out that deer overpopulation had left massive portions of the park barren. Constant grazing had turned valleys into wastelands. The lack of vegetation had caused soil erosion, which destabilized the banks of the river, slowing the flow of water. The lack of sufficient water and vegetation, in turn, forced wildlife to move on. In short, life was fading from the park.  Then a pack of wolves moved in.
Do you think it would be life-enhancing for a pack of predators to be released into a national park? I imagine your initial response would be, like mine, “No, that sounds terrible.”  But it turns out that it was the best thing that could have happened.
Wolves and a World of Good
The wolves predictably killed a few deer, thinning out the population. However, this was not the most significant change. The remaining deer were forced to move to higher terrain and abandon the grasslands of the valleys.  These areas that had been mown down for so long then began to regrow at an accelerated rate. Aspen trees quintupled in size in less than six years. This brought back birds to nest in the branches and beavers to eat the wood. The return of the beavers meant the return of beaver-dams, which created pools that allowed for the repopulation of fish, otters, ducks, muskrats, reptiles, and amphibians. The wolves also cleared out some of the coyotes, which caused rabbits and mice to return. This led to the return of hawks, weasel, foxes, and badgers.  Yet the most amazing impact occurred in the river itself. Because grasses were allowed to regrow, the soil collapsed less, allowing for firmer riverbanks. This gave the river-flow greater direction, which reinforced the animal habitats.  In short, the entrance of a few wolves created a whole world of good in Yellowstone National Park, transforming wastelands into lush valleys teeming with life.
So it turns out that the best thing to do to promote life was to release a few wolves into the valley.
Difficulty Brings Blessing
Why mention all of this? Try for a moment to imagine a board meeting where, after hearing desperate pleas for help to save the aspen trees of Yellowstone, a park ranger responded by saying, “I’ll tell you what will ensure reforestation: a few more wolves around here!” Would anyone have taken him seriously?  In the same way, I think we would accuse God of being insane if we heard him respond to our cries for greater intimacy with our spouse, greater fruit in our ministries, or greater intimacy with him, by saying, “You want more life? I’ll tell you what will give it: a medical emergency. Or losing your job. Or a car accident.” We would think he’s out of his mind.  But search your past and tell me if it isn’t true: Often the introduction of something difficult, and even dangerous, into our lives by the hand of God results in unanticipated, yet undeniable growth. Difficulty brings blessing. Hardship brings joy. Wolves change rivers. This does not mean we should court danger. What it does mean, however, is that we should pause before we accuse God of injustice or indifference when he allows hardship to enter our lives. It just might be the best thing for us. In fact, for those who love him, and are called according to his purposes, it will be his working to produce his best for us.
Count It All Joy
James certainly thought so. In James 1:2–4 he went so far as to say, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  James was so certain that the introduction of difficulty into our lives carries the potential to bring blessing that he calls us to rejoice, not only after the trial has ended, but even while we are still in it.  This does not mean we need to pretend that difficulties are pleasant. They are not. Nor does it mean we should not pray to be delivered from, or seek to remove, hardships from our lives. Both are permissible.  However, we have much gain hope from this realization: Often our loving God sees that bringing something unpleasant into our lives will lead to a thousand good consequences. Therefore, as a good caretaker of our souls, he will allow wolves to enter for a season.
So when hardships come, we can cease shaking our fist and yelling at God, and instead lean into him and listen. He is good. He does care. He works all things together for the good of his children — even the arrival of wolves.

Wow!!!  What a great lesson.  The cancer in Lori, although it was harsh and ravaged her body...it was done for her good, for our good..because in this trial (wolves coming in), relationships were put front and center in our lives...making new ones, making current ones better and more meaningful, and repairing and restoring broken or strained relationships.  There were so many blessings in the battle that Lori fought...there was Hope!

Thank You Lord for this revelation, for this word from You...for Your encouragement, for Your hope, for Your promises...to You be the glory and may the fruits of Your labor in Lori, in me and in Brandi be sowed 10fold because of Your faithfulness and will.  Love you Lord and to You are worthy of my praise and honor!

Aloha all.  Until next time - Love God/Love People!

Aloha God - Aloha People!

Friday, June 19, 2015

Missing my wife!


June 19, 2015

Wow, it has now been almost 3 weeks since my beautiful, loving, best friend of a wife went home to be with Jesus.  Up until her Celebration of Life this past Saturday, it was the Holy Spirit, adrenaline and my "Captain" trait that was keeping me going...had to complete the task that she asked me to do. Well, except for the Kauai Celebration and going through all of her stuff, which will take some time, the immediate task she wanted from me has been done...and let me tell you...it was hard.

The reality of it all is settling in...I do not have my wife to share my daily victories or failures.  I do not have my wife to hug, to kiss, to laugh with, to argue with, to sit with, to dream with, to plan with...I no longer have my best friend of 26 years to just be with...and don't get me wrong...I am not sad or depressed 24/7...but there are moments when I just cry...I just miss her.  I don't want to lose the memories that I have of her, the laughs and the joy and the struggles that we had..I don't want to forget those things.  Yet I know that life goes on.  Brandi and I have lives to live and dreams to dream and things to live out...Lori wants us to continue on with that..but for now it is hard.  I am so blessed to have people - family and friends who care about me, about us so much...the calls, the texts, the hugs, the words of encouragement...all of it eases the missing of my wife..it does not take it away but it shows that we have lots of people around us who are going through the same emotions that I am going through.  It will eventually get easier..I get that...this is the grieving process that I have to go through...but man I really miss her.

Psalm 42 says this:
As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God.  2My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God?  3My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"  4These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.  For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God, with the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.  5Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of his presence.  

As a family, our hope, our future, our faith was in God and Lori lived that out to the very end..and even in my grieving, my hope must be in Him to heal my soul from this despair...God can and has been and will continue to fill the void in my heart for the missing of Lori, it will just take time.  In the meantime, I will praise Him for all things...for Lori's life, for her death and reuniting with Jesus, for the quiet times, for the sad times and for the joyful times to come..I will worship and praise Him for all things.

Check out this song that I listen to and sing multiple times daily:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXDGE_lRI0E

Here is the lyrics.

"10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)"

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Bless You Lord

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

[Chorus x2]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Yes, I will worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I will worship Your holy name
Worship Your holy name

To You Lord be the glory!!! I will forever worship and praise you.

Lori, I love you, I miss you and I thank God everyday for time I had with you!

Your loving husband...Sean


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Lori's Celebration of Life Saturday June 13, 2015

Today was a joyous day for many, but also a day of mourning for most...we as a family celebrated Lori's Celebration of Life Service.  Many came today to show the love that Lori had blessed each and every one with.  Before I share and write a little bit more...I would like to share a video that Lori recorded in 1 take on May 19, 12 days before she went home to be with Jesus.  It is her testimony and thank yous to all of you...it was an integral part of her Celebration today and it was done to share the love that Lori had of God and of each and every one of you.  Enjoy the journey that she shares:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5itETeGtzY

Copy this youtube link in your browser.

Surrounded by her family, many of her friends, her amazing care group, co-workers and friends of our family - we cried, we laughed, we sat silent and we shouted out...our love for Lori today via many sharing moments. It was a very emotional day for me...It has now been 2 weeks since her passing and I miss her now even more.  Life has changed for me...my partner, my friend, my biggest cheerleader, my biggest critic with so much grace is now not here.  I am assured and confident in where she is..with her heavenly Father, but as a human being, a child of God, we were designed to be in relationship with a spouse, with family and with friends.  It will be many learning moments for me, a grieving moment here and there, and  many more moments of trusting in God to fill the void, the emptiness the missing of my babes...I am leaning on Him, pressing into Him, relying on Him to see me through this time...full well knowing that my purpose in life is to glorify Him in all that I am and do..just like Lori did, I will choose to glorify Him regardless of my situation and struggles.

I would like to thank all those that came and those that could not make it but sent messages of love.  Our family is blessed by each and every one of you.  As Lori said in her thank yous...I love you, my love is with you and I will see you soon as we walk this journey together.

God bless you all and more to come later!!

To God be the glory!!

Sean



Sunday, June 7, 2015

Lori Jayne Nobriga Nakamoto Obituary



Lori Jayne Nobriga Nakamoto was born on June 2, 1968 and went peacefully home to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ on Sunday, May 31, 2015 at the age of 46 years, 11 months and 29 days young.  She was born in Waimea, Kauai to David Nobriga, Jr. and Solidad Esteban.  She was raised by her grandparents David & Eleanor Nobriga, Sr. in Puhi camp, Kauai.  Along with her brother Douglas, she spent a majority of her youth with her Uncles Mark Nobriga and Anthony Nobriga and Aunties Rosemary Robley and Regina Kaui, her hanai siblings.

She attended Wilcox Elementary, Kauai High School, and the University of Hawaii, where she received her Masters of Education Early Childhood Special Education in 1997.  She spent her 16 year professional career as a Special Educator with Honolulu Community Action Program – Head Start from 1997 to 2013.  She loved being an advocate for kids with special needs and for parents who were overwhelmed with the bureaucratic process.  She loved working alongside the various resource partners within and outside of HCAP. Towards the end of her career she was assigned as a Liaison and temporary manager for the Health and Disabilities team.  She was known as a compassionate manager who truly worked to serve others. She loved serving the underserved and made lasting impacts on many children and families.

In 1989, she met Sean Nakamoto through a friend and via a brief courtship was blessed with the joy of her life, Brandi Vanessa Pi’ilani O Kalani O Napua Nakamoto on December 17, 1989.  On January 13, 1990, Sean and Lori were married by Judge Choy at the steps of the Circuit Court of Hawaii with their families support.  They had their wedding reception at the famous Flamingo Chuckwagon.  Lori and Sean recently celebrated their 25th silver wedding anniversary this past January and renewed their vows. 

Lori loved her family, especially her daughter Brandi.  She was a great wife, a great mom, a great sister, a great daughter and granddaughter, a great niece, a great cousin, a great aunty and ohana was very important to her. 

Lori was an integral part of a new church plant in October 2012 with New Hope Aloha Pau’ole, where Sean became an associate pastor.  Her role and her serving was to be the best pastor’s wife God called her to be to her husband – to pray for him, to speak life into him, to support him, to call him out at times when needed…Sean was her ministry. 

In October 2012, she was diagnosed with Anal Canal Melanoma, a rare form of melanoma skin cancer that begin inside of the body and not outside.  The prognosis was not good, but Lori committed to glorify God in all things regardless of the circumstances, situations or outcome.  Lori’s cancer was so rare that she was part of a clinical trial drug and was the first one in Hawaii to be part of this drug.  Lori fought the good fight.  She glorified God in times that were rough and times that were good.  She made the most of her time during the duration of her cancer. 

Lori loved God and loved people…all people.  She always made it a point to be concerned more of others than herself.  She lived out the love of Jesus and her legacy will live on through her love of her husband, daughter, family and friends. 

Lori is survived by her husband Sean, daughter Brandi.  Parents David and Allison Nobriga, Jr. and mother Solidad Amos.  Grandparents David and Eleanor Nobriga, Sr. Brothers Douglas Nobriga (Lisa), Davin Nobriga (Rose), and Steven Amos.  Sisters Vanessa Nobriga (deceased), Jasmine Ferris (Kamu) and Christine Green.  Parent in law Ron & Becky (deceased) Nakamoto, brother in law Ryan Nakamoto and sister in law Melanie Pile Nakamoto.  Numerous aunties, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins. 

We would like to especially thank the following people:
Her Care Group – Team Lori, Dr. Clayton Chong & staff, Dr. Ronald Wong & staff, Dr. Victoria Wang, Queens Medical Center 7th Floor Ewa cancer ward and all the nurses – especially Rosalia, Kathy and Kari, Clarie Yoshida and Dr. Nyun from the Queens Pain & Palliative team, Queen’s Cancer Center and all the nurses, St. Francis Hospice nurses and staff, Dina Martinez, Becky and Dr. Dellinger, Tony Olayer and his lomi lomi hands, all the family and friends who prayed for her, supported her and loved on her through her battle.  A big Aloha Pau’ole (never ending) love to her church ohana at New Hope Aloha Pau’ole. 

Lori finished well.  She lived a full life. She loved all. 

Lori we love you, we miss you, but we know that you are with the Father and we will see you again. 

Joshua 1:9           “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Services are set for Saturday June 13 @ New Hope Oahu Sanctuary, 290 Sand Island Access Road, Honolulu.  Visitation 8:30. Service 10:00am.  Casual attire, no flowers. 


A memorial service will be held in Kauai in July at a to be determined date.  

Week 1 - Post Lori




Psalms 119:28  My soul weeps because of grief; Strengthen me according to Your Word

At 5:51pm this afternoon, it made a week since Lori went home to be with Jesus.  It has not been an easy week, but I took one day at a time...trusting and knowing that Lori's eternity is well!

Lori would have been 47 on June 2. I bought her favorite, tulips and created this memorial to her...in human's life expectancy, that seems short...considering that the average age of females these days extends into 70's-80's...but Lori's time here on earth was temporal but well lived.  I have no doubt that God' sovereign nature, His will has been done for our good..and for Lori's good...she's with Jesus, how much more better can that be.

As I spent this week, without my wife for the first time in 25+ years, there were very emotional moments.  When a song would pop up, or something I would see would remind me of her, or just something...I would start to just cry...but then a joy, a peace would overcome that grief, as whatever was in front of me reminded me of the glory of God in her and through her.  God's word implanted on my heart over the years of spending time, personal time with Him, reminds me of so many of God's assurances, hopes and promises. And the main one was faith, faith in Him, knowing that as my Lord and Savior, I will see Lori one day again.  But more importantly I will be with God.

It has been a busy week, but yet restful. Planning her services was so blessed..everything that she wants done will be done in the service, this Saturday, June 13 at New Hope Oahu.  It was also our Kamehameha Schools reunion week. As it was our 29th year, we were the hosts of the reunion for the class of 1985 celebrating their 30th.  Our class was responsible for the entire luau and thank God for leaders in our class, one in particular Lynn Makua Akeo, who allowed God to use her mightily as she took on this huge tasks to lead our class.  I was blessed to reconnect with so many friends, some of whom I have known for more than 30 years now (since we were 14) or to reconnect with someone like Alan Young, who I have known since preschool...thru our senior in high school..now that's knowing someone for a long time.  My classmates were so supportive and I was blessed to be just loved on by them.

And then there was today at my church, my extended ohana New Hope Aloha Pau'ole.  I just made a year as an associate pastor at New Hope Aloha Pau'ole and have been blessed by our church plant over the last 2.5 years...but today, I was asked to share the final stage of Lori's temporal life with our church ohana, who like Brandi, me and our families are all grieving and processing the loss of Lori.  I was blessed to share the final day of Lori, to share how she lived an Aloha Pau'ole kind of love...never ending for all those around her, near and far.  When we planted Aloha Pau'ole back in September 2012, God gave us this mission:

"We are committed to loving God and advancing His kingdom by loving people to a place of freedom" 

That mission statement was birthed in a hotel room with our core leadership and our spouses, and back then it was words..words that was so profound that when we read it out loud individually, and then together, we knew that it was Holy Spirit filled, but more importantly, it was something that we could strive to live out..and in the process of Lori's battle with this awful disease, we, her, I, Brandi, the core team...learned how to love each other with God's love..we are by no means there yet, not even close...we are not "completed yet", that will never happen till we go home, but we have learned to live out that mission statement and many who have blessed us with their Aloha Pau'ole love, the love that never ends..God's love..Love that when perfected in Christ, casts out all fear...that love has allowed Lori to be free in Christ and has allowed many, including me, to be on the road to freedom in Christ.

As I shared in my last post...I am not okay...yet..but day by day, I am getting there. And there is a huge spectrum of what "Okay" looks like...but in the eyes of the Lord I am His child and He has Aloha Pau'ole love for me and because of that, I will be okay.

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you all.  It helps me to process out some of what I am going through.  To God be the glory in all things and God bless you all!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Happy Birthday Lori



June 2, 2015

Happy Birthday Lori!

You spent 46 years and 364 days here on earth and you were a blessing to so much, your legacy lives on, your smile is imprinted on the hearts of many, your love of God and of so many others will always be remembered.  You will not be forgotten.  Brandi and I will be a huge reminder to those you have influenced, affected, mentored, fellowshiped and loved.  You now rest in eternity and celebrate daily with God.  We take joy and comfort to know that you are not suffering anymore...no more pain, no more side effects, no more no more.

However, we miss you...we will not sugar coat or lie or make this a feel good to all type of thing...we miss you.  We are in grief...we are hurting, we are not okay...Yet..but we will get there...God is allowing us to walk through this, this new season..this next step...like He walked with us for the 32 months of your battle.  He never forsook us, He never left us, He never took His hand off of you, off of us.  To some of our family and friends, questions linger...why Lori? why so young?  why?  why?

I will never be able to give an answer to those who don't want to hear the answer they need to hear...but I do know that God's plans, God's will and God's way is way bigger than mines...I have seen that in my life, in your life and Brandi's life.  God orchestrated things so many times in our lives..that when we look back...I stand in awe of what God did..or what He didn't do..to ensure that we get to glorify Him in all things, that we relied on Him for all things and that we did it as a family.  You always had a sense of where God was taking us individually and as a family. You knew when choices, options or things was in God's will vs. our will.  You provided great counsel, yet you allowed me to process them out and 9 times of 10, we moved in agreement..that other 1/10 were my hugest mistakes..which God still allowed us as a family to recover from to move on from..to provide a living testimony that God's grace is never ending.

So today, I say thank you for the millionth time for loving me for who I am in Christ.  Thank you for loving me even when I did not love myself.  Thank you for birthing Brandi into our lives..thank you for being a great mom and mentor..thank you thank you....I love you and i thank God every day moving forward for the time He allowed me to have with you...approximately 9,307 days.  You blessed me in so many ways.

Happy Eternity Birthday Lori!  You finished well....you lived well.  I love you!

Sean

2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing.