Missing my wife!

June 19, 2015

Wow, it has now been almost 3 weeks since my beautiful, loving, best friend of a wife went home to be with Jesus.  Up until her Celebration of Life this past Saturday, it was the Holy Spirit, adrenaline and my "Captain" trait that was keeping me going...had to complete the task that she asked me to do. Well, except for the Kauai Celebration and going through all of her stuff, which will take some time, the immediate task she wanted from me has been done...and let me tell you...it was hard.

The reality of it all is settling in...I do not have my wife to share my daily victories or failures.  I do not have my wife to hug, to kiss, to laugh with, to argue with, to sit with, to dream with, to plan with...I no longer have my best friend of 26 years to just be with...and don't get me wrong...I am not sad or depressed 24/7...but there are moments when I just cry...I just miss her.  I don't want to lose the memories that I have of her, the laughs and the joy and the struggles that we had..I don't want to forget those things.  Yet I know that life goes on.  Brandi and I have lives to live and dreams to dream and things to live out...Lori wants us to continue on with that..but for now it is hard.  I am so blessed to have people - family and friends who care about me, about us so much...the calls, the texts, the hugs, the words of encouragement...all of it eases the missing of my wife..it does not take it away but it shows that we have lots of people around us who are going through the same emotions that I am going through.  It will eventually get easier..I get that...this is the grieving process that I have to go through...but man I really miss her.

Psalm 42 says this:
As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God.  2My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God?  3My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"  4These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.  For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God, with the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.  5Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of his presence.  

As a family, our hope, our future, our faith was in God and Lori lived that out to the very end..and even in my grieving, my hope must be in Him to heal my soul from this despair...God can and has been and will continue to fill the void in my heart for the missing of Lori, it will just take time.  In the meantime, I will praise Him for all things...for Lori's life, for her death and reuniting with Jesus, for the quiet times, for the sad times and for the joyful times to come..I will worship and praise Him for all things.

Check out this song that I listen to and sing multiple times daily:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXDGE_lRI0E

Here is the lyrics.

"10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)"

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Bless You Lord

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

[Chorus x2]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Yes, I will worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I will worship Your holy name
Worship Your holy name

To You Lord be the glory!!! I will forever worship and praise you.

Lori, I love you, I miss you and I thank God everyday for time I had with you!

Your loving husband...Sean