Flashlight

"Flashlight"

When tomorrow comes
I'll be on my own
Feeling frightened of
The things that I don't know
When tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes

And though the road is long
I look up to the sky
And in the dark I found lost hope that I won't fly
And I sing along, I sing along, and I sing along

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
'Cause you're my flashlight (flashlight)
You're my flashlight (flashlight), you're my flashlight

Ooh

I see the shadows long beneath the mountain top
I'm not afraid when the rain won't stop
'Cause you light the way
You light the way,
You light the way

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
(Light light light you're my flashlight)
Light light you're my flashlight
Light light light light light, oh
(Light light light you're my flashlight)
You're my flash, oh

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night
Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
Stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
(You're my flashlight)
You're getting me, getting me through the night
'Cause you're my flashlight
'Cause you're my flashlight
You're my flashlight

Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh oh oh

You're my flashlight
Light light
You're my flashlight
Light light ye-yeah

(Light light light
You're my flashlight
Light light)

You're my flashlight

I heard this song for the first time  when Brandi and I watched Pitch Perfect 2 during our trip to Santa Barbara.  If most of you don't know by now, Brandi and I took a planned family trip on May 15 to May 23 that had been in the works for over a year.  I was asked to do a wedding in Cali and it was our prayer that Lori would be well enough to travel.  Up until 2 weeks before we were to go, we made sure that this is what God had in store for us and we as a family had to make sure that we would be all ok had Lori pass during our trip, knowing full well that she was in Hospice already and her health was steadily declining.  We had numerous conversations making sure she was okay with us leaving and that we were okay with us leaving should she pass.  It was a huge trusting God moment for us all...we said our goodbyes on May 15, not knowing if she would still be around when we got back 8 days later.  It was a testing of our faith...trusting that God would take care of Lori when we were gone and should she pass we would be okay with her leaving and have no regrets or no guilt.  And for Lori, it was trusting in God that we would be okay on our trip with no regrets and no guilt should she pass...it was a very big step for us a family...and in the end..God rewarded all of us with 8 more days to spend after our return..it was a huge blessing for us..it increased our faith and hope in knowing that God was in control.  

Getting back to this song...as the movie ended with this song..I began to cry uncontrollably in the theater and it was not supposed to be a sad ending..it was a winning song kind of ending..but for whatever reason, I just balled like a little baby..I tried to wipe the tears away without Brandi or anyone else seeing me cry...and composed myself and walked out at the end of the movie..still not sure why I was so emotional.  We decided to take a spin by Shoreline park to show Brandi's friend the great view and I decided to go and sit at a bench and look for this song.  I found the words and started to cry again...I listened to the song a few more times sitting out in the most beautiful God gorgeous view and was just weeping like a baby...people walking by, jogging by, walking their animals were looking at me weird..kind of funny now, but wasn't then..lol...

As I began to look at the words..I realized that this song hit me because I was on the verge of losing Lori in the physical sense to her battle with cancer..she was going to die soon...and as the words in the very first stanza says... "When tomorrow comes, when tomorrow comes..I'll be on my own, feeling frightened of the things I don't know."  It was realizing very soon that I would not have my wife with me anymore...and that was very sad for me then as it still is now...but, the song goes on to give encouragement, huge encouragement of a flashlight being there for me...for giving me light, for giving me comfort in the midst of darkness...and initially I compared Lori to being the flashlight..that she would be there for me in times of physical and mental darkness of missing her...but then I was reminded because of the relationship that I have with Jesus..that the flashlight..the Light, was Jesus...I had Him in my corner before Lori got sick, when Lori got sick, when she was about to die, when she died and still yet...He is the Light that allows me to continue on...that fills me with His peace, His comfort, His hope...yes Lori is my flashlight..she shined for me in tough times, she stuck with me through thick and thin...she loved me when others would not...but she did that because she loved God first and foremost and God was a light onto her feet, just like He is onto mines.  I cherish this song and listen to it once a day...it still makes me cry, but it also reminds me of the hope that I have in Christ..that same hope that Lori had that day she left us now 4 weeks ago..she knew that when she crossed that line...into the presence of God..all would be well..eternity with Him...and that's the hope that I am hanging on to...eternity with Him.  

Lori, I miss you...I know you are with the Father and that gives me comfort.  I know that the Light in times of darkness is Jesus showing me His love for me and for Brandi...we are pressing on and we know that the path you walked shone bright for us even to this day...I love you and I think about you everyday, I know you are praying for me, for Brandi and for many others.  Love you!  

 

Seeing God's Hope

Wednesday June 24, 2015

This past Sunday, I had some downtime in the afternoon before picking up Brandi from work so I decided to go and jump in our building pool..we have been living here almost 3 years now and this probably only the 6th or 7th time we used the pool..it was super refreshing.  I got a bit emotional as I was thinking about church earlier that day.  Kathy and Tiffany Thurston came to share about the Bloom Conference happening this weekend (praying that God uses Tiffa and her entire team for His glory) and also celebrating the 1 year anniversary of our dear Charlie passing away on June 8, 2014. What Kathy shared as a wife to a husband who died so suddenly, hit me dead center.  It reminded me of a few things:  1)  I was blessed to have Lori around for 2.5+ years after her diagnosis, 2) I was able to tell her goodbye and hug her and kiss her multiple times before her passing on May 31  and 3) God is not done with me yet...He has a plan for Brandi and I to live out independent of each other, dependent of God for His provision and will and dependent as 2 of the remaining 3 Nakamoto musketeers.

As I was cruising in the pool, I kept saying to God..its me and You Lord, its me and You...You are going to have to provide me with Your peace, Your comfort, Your joy, Your void filler cause Lori is now with You.  I kept saying that prayer (statement/request, whatever you want to call it) over and and over again.  It was based on Kathy sharing that even in Charlie's passing God was still with her when before he passed, when he passed and since he passed and that was the same promise for me...God was with me when Lori was here, He was with me when she passed 3 weeks earlier and He is still with me now...and He is not done with me yet.

Then this ray of light in the pic pops up...God's light of hope, of comfort, of promise that He has in store for me as well as Brandi as well as all those who came in contact with Lori.  It was a subtle yet profound reminder from God..that He is in control of things and that I can be reassured that Lori is with Him and rejoicing and that my work, my purpose, my legacy is still intact to glorify Him and to live out Lori's legacy as well.  I was overwhelmed by God's encouraging gorgeous natural beauty and I also felt Him say, "I got this Sean, you and Brandi will be okay!" Then I heard Lori say, "God's got this Sean, you and Brandi will be used for the glory of God...I love you both!."  I was reassured by God that He has this all under control..

So wiping my tears away and listening to Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave, I go upstairs to shower and cleanup before I pickup Brandi.  I check my email, and I see this email from DesiringGod.org...John Piper's website who I so value their presentation and interpretation of God's word.  I highly encourage you to read this in full:

God’s Surprising Plans for Your Good

Ben Stuart / June 21, 2015

Why does God allow trouble to plague his people? How can it be considered loving for him to permit trials to run wild in our lives?  I gained fresh insight into these questions while watching a spellbinding four-minute video called “How Wolves Change Rivers.”

A slightly-too-exuberant, yet-delightfully-British narrator recounts the changes that resulted from the entrance of a pack of wolves into the eco-system of Yellowstone National Park. It turns out that deer overpopulation had left massive portions of the park barren. Constant grazing had turned valleys into wastelands. The lack of vegetation had caused soil erosion, which destabilized the banks of the river, slowing the flow of water. The lack of sufficient water and vegetation, in turn, forced wildlife to move on. In short, life was fading from the park.  Then a pack of wolves moved in.

Do you think it would be life-enhancing for a pack of predators to be released into a national park? I imagine your initial response would be, like mine, “No, that sounds terrible.”  But it turns out that it was the best thing that could have happened.

Wolves and a World of Good

The wolves predictably killed a few deer, thinning out the population. However, this was not the most significant change. The remaining deer were forced to move to higher terrain and abandon the grasslands of the valleys.  These areas that had been mown down for so long then began to regrow at an accelerated rate. Aspen trees quintupled in size in less than six years. This brought back birds to nest in the branches and beavers to eat the wood. The return of the beavers meant the return of beaver-dams, which created pools that allowed for the repopulation of fish, otters, ducks, muskrats, reptiles, and amphibians. The wolves also cleared out some of the coyotes, which caused rabbits and mice to return. This led to the return of hawks, weasel, foxes, and badgers.  Yet the most amazing impact occurred in the river itself. Because grasses were allowed to regrow, the soil collapsed less, allowing for firmer riverbanks. This gave the river-flow greater direction, which reinforced the animal habitats.  In short, the entrance of a few wolves created a whole world of good in Yellowstone National Park, transforming wastelands into lush valleys teeming with life.

So it turns out that the best thing to do to promote life was to release a few wolves into the valley.

Difficulty Brings Blessing

Why mention all of this? Try for a moment to imagine a board meeting where, after hearing desperate pleas for help to save the aspen trees of Yellowstone, a park ranger responded by saying, “I’ll tell you what will ensure reforestation: a few more wolves around here!” Would anyone have taken him seriously?  In the same way, I think we would accuse God of being insane if we heard him respond to our cries for greater intimacy with our spouse, greater fruit in our ministries, or greater intimacy with him, by saying, “You want more life? I’ll tell you what will give it: a medical emergency. Or losing your job. Or a car accident.” We would think he’s out of his mind.  But search your past and tell me if it isn’t true: Often the introduction of something difficult, and even dangerous, into our lives by the hand of God results in unanticipated, yet undeniable growth. Difficulty brings blessing. Hardship brings joy. Wolves change rivers. This does not mean we should court danger. What it does mean, however, is that we should pause before we accuse God of injustice or indifference when he allows hardship to enter our lives. It just might be the best thing for us. In fact, for those who love him, and are called according to his purposes, it will be his working to produce his best for us.

Count It All Joy

James certainly thought so. In James 1:2–4 he went so far as to say, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  James was so certain that the introduction of difficulty into our lives carries the potential to bring blessing that he calls us to rejoice, not only after the trial has ended, but even while we are still in it.  This does not mean we need to pretend that difficulties are pleasant. They are not. Nor does it mean we should not pray to be delivered from, or seek to remove, hardships from our lives. Both are permissible.  However, we have much gain hope from this realization: Often our loving God sees that bringing something unpleasant into our lives will lead to a thousand good consequences. Therefore, as a good caretaker of our souls, he will allow wolves to enter for a season.

So when hardships come, we can cease shaking our fist and yelling at God, and instead lean into him and listen. He is good. He does care. He works all things together for the good of his children — even the arrival of wolves.

Wow!!!  What a great lesson.  The cancer in Lori, although it was harsh and ravaged her body...it was done for her good, for our good..because in this trial (wolves coming in), relationships were put front and center in our lives...making new ones, making current ones better and more meaningful, and repairing and restoring broken or strained relationships.  There were so many blessings in the battle that Lori fought...there was Hope!

Thank You Lord for this revelation, for this word from You...for Your encouragement, for Your hope, for Your promises...to You be the glory and may the fruits of Your labor in Lori, in me and in Brandi be sowed 10fold because of Your faithfulness and will.  Love you Lord and to You are worthy of my praise and honor!

Aloha all.  Until next time - Love God/Love People!

Aloha God - Aloha People!

Missing my wife!

June 19, 2015

Wow, it has now been almost 3 weeks since my beautiful, loving, best friend of a wife went home to be with Jesus.  Up until her Celebration of Life this past Saturday, it was the Holy Spirit, adrenaline and my "Captain" trait that was keeping me going...had to complete the task that she asked me to do. Well, except for the Kauai Celebration and going through all of her stuff, which will take some time, the immediate task she wanted from me has been done...and let me tell you...it was hard.

The reality of it all is settling in...I do not have my wife to share my daily victories or failures.  I do not have my wife to hug, to kiss, to laugh with, to argue with, to sit with, to dream with, to plan with...I no longer have my best friend of 26 years to just be with...and don't get me wrong...I am not sad or depressed 24/7...but there are moments when I just cry...I just miss her.  I don't want to lose the memories that I have of her, the laughs and the joy and the struggles that we had..I don't want to forget those things.  Yet I know that life goes on.  Brandi and I have lives to live and dreams to dream and things to live out...Lori wants us to continue on with that..but for now it is hard.  I am so blessed to have people - family and friends who care about me, about us so much...the calls, the texts, the hugs, the words of encouragement...all of it eases the missing of my wife..it does not take it away but it shows that we have lots of people around us who are going through the same emotions that I am going through.  It will eventually get easier..I get that...this is the grieving process that I have to go through...but man I really miss her.

Psalm 42 says this:
As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God.  2My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God?  3My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"  4These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.  For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God, with the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.  5Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of his presence.  

As a family, our hope, our future, our faith was in God and Lori lived that out to the very end..and even in my grieving, my hope must be in Him to heal my soul from this despair...God can and has been and will continue to fill the void in my heart for the missing of Lori, it will just take time.  In the meantime, I will praise Him for all things...for Lori's life, for her death and reuniting with Jesus, for the quiet times, for the sad times and for the joyful times to come..I will worship and praise Him for all things.

Check out this song that I listen to and sing multiple times daily:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXDGE_lRI0E

Here is the lyrics.

"10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)"

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Bless You Lord

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

[Chorus x2]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Yes, I will worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I will worship Your holy name
Worship Your holy name

To You Lord be the glory!!! I will forever worship and praise you.

Lori, I love you, I miss you and I thank God everyday for time I had with you!

Your loving husband...Sean

Lori's Celebration of Life Saturday June 13, 2015

Today was a joyous day for many, but also a day of mourning for most...we as a family celebrated Lori's Celebration of Life Service.  Many came today to show the love that Lori had blessed each and every one with.  Before I share and write a little bit more...I would like to share a video that Lori recorded in 1 take on May 19, 12 days before she went home to be with Jesus.  It is her testimony and thank yous to all of you...it was an integral part of her Celebration today and it was done to share the love that Lori had of God and of each and every one of you.  Enjoy the journey that she shares:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5itETeGtzY

Copy this youtube link in your browser.

Surrounded by her family, many of her friends, her amazing care group, co-workers and friends of our family - we cried, we laughed, we sat silent and we shouted out...our love for Lori today via many sharing moments. It was a very emotional day for me...It has now been 2 weeks since her passing and I miss her now even more.  Life has changed for me...my partner, my friend, my biggest cheerleader, my biggest critic with so much grace is now not here.  I am assured and confident in where she is..with her heavenly Father, but as a human being, a child of God, we were designed to be in relationship with a spouse, with family and with friends.  It will be many learning moments for me, a grieving moment here and there, and  many more moments of trusting in God to fill the void, the emptiness the missing of my babes...I am leaning on Him, pressing into Him, relying on Him to see me through this time...full well knowing that my purpose in life is to glorify Him in all that I am and do..just like Lori did, I will choose to glorify Him regardless of my situation and struggles.

I would like to thank all those that came and those that could not make it but sent messages of love.  Our family is blessed by each and every one of you.  As Lori said in her thank yous...I love you, my love is with you and I will see you soon as we walk this journey together.

God bless you all and more to come later!!

To God be the glory!!

Sean

Lori Jayne Nobriga Nakamoto Obituary

Lori Jayne Nobriga Nakamoto was born on June 2, 1968 and went peacefully home to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ on Sunday, May 31, 2015 at the age of 46 years, 11 months and 29 days young.  She was born in Waimea, Kauai to David Nobriga, Jr. and Solidad Esteban.  She was raised by her grandparents David & Eleanor Nobriga, Sr. in Puhi camp, Kauai.  Along with her brother Douglas, she spent a majority of her youth with her Uncles Mark Nobriga and Anthony Nobriga and Aunties Rosemary Robley and Regina Kaui, her hanai siblings.

She attended Wilcox Elementary, Kauai High School, and the University of Hawaii, where she received her Masters of Education Early Childhood Special Education in 1997.  She spent her 16 year professional career as a Special Educator with Honolulu Community Action Program – Head Start from 1997 to 2013.  She loved being an advocate for kids with special needs and for parents who were overwhelmed with the bureaucratic process.  She loved working alongside the various resource partners within and outside of HCAP. Towards the end of her career she was assigned as a Liaison and temporary manager for the Health and Disabilities team.  She was known as a compassionate manager who truly worked to serve others. She loved serving the underserved and made lasting impacts on many children and families.

In 1989, she met Sean Nakamoto through a friend and via a brief courtship was blessed with the joy of her life, Brandi Vanessa Pi’ilani O Kalani O Napua Nakamoto on December 17, 1989.  On January 13, 1990, Sean and Lori were married by Judge Choy at the steps of the Circuit Court of Hawaii with their families support.  They had their wedding reception at the famous Flamingo Chuckwagon.  Lori and Sean recently celebrated their 25^th silver wedding anniversary this past January and renewed their vows. 

Lori loved her family, especially her daughter Brandi.  She was a great wife, a great mom, a great sister, a great daughter and granddaughter, a great niece, a great cousin, a great aunty and ohana was very important to her. 

Lori was an integral part of a new church plant in October 2012 with New Hope Aloha Pau’ole, where Sean became an associate pastor.  Her role and her serving was to be the best pastor’s wife God called her to be to her husband – to pray for him, to speak life into him, to support him, to call him out at times when needed…Sean was her ministry. 

In October 2012, she was diagnosed with Anal Canal Melanoma, a rare form of melanoma skin cancer that begin inside of the body and not outside.  The prognosis was not good, but Lori committed to glorify God in all things regardless of the circumstances, situations or outcome.  Lori’s cancer was so rare that she was part of a clinical trial drug and was the first one in Hawaii to be part of this drug.  Lori fought the good fight.  She glorified God in times that were rough and times that were good.  She made the most of her time during the duration of her cancer. 

Lori loved God and loved people…all people.  She always made it a point to be concerned more of others than herself.  She lived out the love of Jesus and her legacy will live on through her love of her husband, daughter, family and friends. 

Lori is survived by her husband Sean, daughter Brandi.  Parents David and Allison Nobriga, Jr. and mother Solidad Amos.  Grandparents David and Eleanor Nobriga, Sr. Brothers Douglas Nobriga (Lisa), Davin Nobriga (Rose), and Steven Amos.  Sisters Vanessa Nobriga (deceased), Jasmine Ferris (Kamu) and Christine Green.  Parent in law Ron & Becky (deceased) Nakamoto, brother in law Ryan Nakamoto and sister in law Melanie Pile Nakamoto.  Numerous aunties, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins. 

We would like to especially thank the following people:

Her Care Group – Team Lori, Dr. Clayton Chong & staff, Dr. Ronald Wong & staff, Dr. Victoria Wang, Queens Medical Center 7^th Floor Ewa cancer ward and all the nurses – especially Rosalia, Kathy and Kari, Clarie Yoshida and Dr. Nyun from the Queens Pain & Palliative team, Queen’s Cancer Center and all the nurses, St. Francis Hospice nurses and staff, Dina Martinez, Becky and Dr. Dellinger, Tony Olayer and his lomi lomi hands, all the family and friends who prayed for her, supported her and loved on her through her battle.  A big Aloha Pau’ole (never ending) love to her church ohana at New Hope Aloha Pau’ole. 

Lori finished well.  She lived a full life. She loved all. 

Lori we love you, we miss you, but we know that you are with the Father and we will see you again. 

Joshua 1:9           “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Services are set for Saturday June 13 @ New Hope Oahu Sanctuary, 290 Sand Island Access Road, Honolulu.  Visitation 8:30. Service 10:00am.  Casual attire, no flowers. 

A memorial service will be held in Kauai in July at a to be determined date.  

Week 1 - Post Lori

Psalms 119:28  My soul weeps because of grief; Strengthen me according to Your Word

At 5:51pm this afternoon, it made a week since Lori went home to be with Jesus.  It has not been an easy week, but I took one day at a time...trusting and knowing that Lori's eternity is well!

Lori would have been 47 on June 2. I bought her favorite, tulips and created this memorial to her...in human's life expectancy, that seems short...considering that the average age of females these days extends into 70's-80's...but Lori's time here on earth was temporal but well lived.  I have no doubt that God' sovereign nature, His will has been done for our good..and for Lori's good...she's with Jesus, how much more better can that be.

As I spent this week, without my wife for the first time in 25+ years, there were very emotional moments.  When a song would pop up, or something I would see would remind me of her, or just something...I would start to just cry...but then a joy, a peace would overcome that grief, as whatever was in front of me reminded me of the glory of God in her and through her.  God's word implanted on my heart over the years of spending time, personal time with Him, reminds me of so many of God's assurances, hopes and promises. And the main one was faith, faith in Him, knowing that as my Lord and Savior, I will see Lori one day again.  But more importantly I will be with God.

It has been a busy week, but yet restful. Planning her services was so blessed..everything that she wants done will be done in the service, this Saturday, June 13 at New Hope Oahu.  It was also our Kamehameha Schools reunion week. As it was our 29th year, we were the hosts of the reunion for the class of 1985 celebrating their 30th.  Our class was responsible for the entire luau and thank God for leaders in our class, one in particular Lynn Makua Akeo, who allowed God to use her mightily as she took on this huge tasks to lead our class.  I was blessed to reconnect with so many friends, some of whom I have known for more than 30 years now (since we were 14) or to reconnect with someone like Alan Young, who I have known since preschool...thru our senior in high school..now that's knowing someone for a long time.  My classmates were so supportive and I was blessed to be just loved on by them.

And then there was today at my church, my extended ohana New Hope Aloha Pau'ole.  I just made a year as an associate pastor at New Hope Aloha Pau'ole and have been blessed by our church plant over the last 2.5 years...but today, I was asked to share the final stage of Lori's temporal life with our church ohana, who like Brandi, me and our families are all grieving and processing the loss of Lori.  I was blessed to share the final day of Lori, to share how she lived an Aloha Pau'ole kind of love...never ending for all those around her, near and far.  When we planted Aloha Pau'ole back in September 2012, God gave us this mission:

"We are committed to loving God and advancing His kingdom by loving people to a place of freedom" 

That mission statement was birthed in a hotel room with our core leadership and our spouses, and back then it was words..words that was so profound that when we read it out loud individually, and then together, we knew that it was Holy Spirit filled, but more importantly, it was something that we could strive to live out..and in the process of Lori's battle with this awful disease, we, her, I, Brandi, the core team...learned how to love each other with God's love..we are by no means there yet, not even close...we are not "completed yet", that will never happen till we go home, but we have learned to live out that mission statement and many who have blessed us with their Aloha Pau'ole love, the love that never ends..God's love..Love that when perfected in Christ, casts out all fear...that love has allowed Lori to be free in Christ and has allowed many, including me, to be on the road to freedom in Christ.

As I shared in my last post...I am not okay...yet..but day by day, I am getting there. And there is a huge spectrum of what "Okay" looks like...but in the eyes of the Lord I am His child and He has Aloha Pau'ole love for me and because of that, I will be okay.

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you all.  It helps me to process out some of what I am going through.  To God be the glory in all things and God bless you all!!

Happy Birthday Lori

June 2, 2015

Happy Birthday Lori!

You spent 46 years and 364 days here on earth and you were a blessing to so much, your legacy lives on, your smile is imprinted on the hearts of many, your love of God and of so many others will always be remembered.  You will not be forgotten.  Brandi and I will be a huge reminder to those you have influenced, affected, mentored, fellowshiped and loved.  You now rest in eternity and celebrate daily with God.  We take joy and comfort to know that you are not suffering anymore...no more pain, no more side effects, no more no more.

However, we miss you...we will not sugar coat or lie or make this a feel good to all type of thing...we miss you.  We are in grief...we are hurting, we are not okay...Yet..but we will get there...God is allowing us to walk through this, this new season..this next step...like He walked with us for the 32 months of your battle.  He never forsook us, He never left us, He never took His hand off of you, off of us.  To some of our family and friends, questions linger...why Lori? why so young?  why?  why?

I will never be able to give an answer to those who don't want to hear the answer they need to hear...but I do know that God's plans, God's will and God's way is way bigger than mines...I have seen that in my life, in your life and Brandi's life.  God orchestrated things so many times in our lives..that when we look back...I stand in awe of what God did..or what He didn't do..to ensure that we get to glorify Him in all things, that we relied on Him for all things and that we did it as a family.  You always had a sense of where God was taking us individually and as a family. You knew when choices, options or things was in God's will vs. our will.  You provided great counsel, yet you allowed me to process them out and 9 times of 10, we moved in agreement..that other 1/10 were my hugest mistakes..which God still allowed us as a family to recover from to move on from..to provide a living testimony that God's grace is never ending.

So today, I say thank you for the millionth time for loving me for who I am in Christ.  Thank you for loving me even when I did not love myself.  Thank you for birthing Brandi into our lives..thank you for being a great mom and mentor..thank you thank you....I love you and i thank God every day moving forward for the time He allowed me to have with you...approximately 9,307 days.  You blessed me in so many ways.

Happy Eternity Birthday Lori!  You finished well....you lived well.  I love you!

Sean

2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing.